Friends: A Love Story by Angela Bassett

Author:Angela Bassett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kimani Press
Published: 2009-08-28T04:00:00+00:00

By late spring of 1991, I started getting Six Degrees’s rhythm down; it took up residence in my bones. Rather than having to start my preparation early in the day and arrive three hours early to do a walk-through in my dressing room, I could come in at seven-thirty, get hyped—I had a ritual similar to that of a professional athlete—and be ready to walk onstage at eight. I knew how to give the part exactly enough energy to play it well without wearing myself out. I gave no more, no less. Still, in addition to the physical rigors, to play such an emotional role in the middle of what I was going through was tremendously taxing.

In the meantime, Ahren was continuing her therapy. She became able to articulate her feelings for me, as well as what she wanted and where she wanted the relationship to go. She wanted us to be closer. She wanted a truthful, honest relationship. It became more and more clear to her that we needed to talk. She kept trying to find ways to bridge the gap and use all the tools she was learning in her sessions. But especially now that my father was gone, I was as numb as could be. She was trying to get clear, but my whole life, while improving, was still in shadows. I was slowly coming to realize that my life was a lie—that I had become an actor in life as well as onstage. Back then, I told people whatever they wanted to hear or whatever I needed to say to get them off my back. I didn’t yet know how to have a conversation that might be difficult or unpleasant or require me to be honest about my emotions, so I kept avoiding them.

“What do we need to talk about? Things are fine.”

I’m sure at some point Ahren must have wanted to discuss marriage; however, I was only beginning to become aware of how I was feeling, which is essential to telling the truth. I knew what it meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend and “play house.” But I was just beginning to learn what it meant to be a man. I didn’t know yet what it meant to be committed to someone. What was the next step? How do you get to it? I didn’t know. I was a mess. In the meantime, Ahren must have thought, “I can’t marry this man!” She didn’t know what to do. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn’t have afforded her own apartment. I was stuck; she was stuck; we were stuck.

Late that summer, she and I took a big two-week vacation at a five-hundred-acre hay farm in upstate New York. It was harvest time. Warm and beautiful. We needed to get away. Our relationship hadn’t improved much, but I was starting to learn to communicate better.

“Ahren, I’ve gotta get out of the play,” I told her. “I’m exhausted.”

“Then give your notice, Courtney.”

We had a lot of fun and invited a few friends to visit.

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